Bob, The Anal Fissure

Subject: My anal fissure Bob Date: Tue, 28 Dec 93 23:49:00 +0200 It's been a while since my violent anal dilation. I'm afraid that I have neglected my duties by not telling you about it sooner. But I have been at some loss for words about it. My anal fissure Bob who had plagued me for the last three years is in the process of dying. After the violent anal dilation I had expected to awaken from my anaesthetized slumber to find that Bob had been completely destroyed. Annihilated by modern medicine in a small sterile room of a hospital in Seinajoki Finland. A rich heritage of blood and pain wiped out in minutes by strangers in mask and gown. It all started a couple of Mondays ago at 7 am. I hadn't slept much the night before. Bob was quiet, but I lay awake thinking about what was to come the next morning. I was a little worried. I was about to experience something called violent anal dilation and I was a bit concerned. I found out later that my fears about the ...

Subject: Anal Fissure Bob Returns Date: Wed, 1 Dec 93 22:52:00 +0200 As you know, my anal fissure Bob and I were due to be separated today. By that most tasteless of medical marvels, violent anal dilation, Bob was to be no more. The hospital scheduled the dilation over a week ago. They had sent me some medicine that I was to take the night before, and the morning of the procedure. It consisted of an overdose of some kind of laxative pill and two suppositories the size of a sputnik. Yesterday evening I had ingested the pills and inserted the Grogan Buster(tm) industrial strength stool liquefier. Around ten, I began to feel the need, and by 10:15 I was sitting on the throne enjoying one of the most massive squats of my life. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING that was not original equipment that came with my digestive tract was madly scrambling for the exit. Sound like fun? Well, for a while it was. Then things began to go wrong. I had evacuated myself from stem to stern. E...

Subject: My Anal Fissure Bob Date: Wed, 10 Nov 93 01:02:00 +0200 KEYWORDS: YOUCH!, VIOLENT ANAL DILATION, OH JEEEESUS, HELP Some of you may remember my previous post regarding my anal fissure, Bob. The surgery that had been scheduled for October 29th has been postponed until December the first. Bob has had a stay of execution, a reprieve if you will. Bob has become a holy terror of an anal fissure and my surgeon has informed me that the most effective way of dealing with Bob is a form of surgical exorcism that is know to the medical profession as VIOLENT ANAL DILATION. I am not making this up! They are going to anaesthetize both Bob and me, and then dilate my asshole to a diameter that until that moment it has never known. My greatest fear is becoming conscious and out of the corner of my eye seeing the medical staff zipping up their trousers. On a side note, I have met a man named Ream. This is his name. Word of honor. It just seems so appropriate that I meet him ...

Subject: My anal fissure Bob Date: Wed, 20 Oct 93 10:44:00 +0200 After lurking about in the wings the required 2 months I have felt the need to tell you about my anal fissure Bob. It all started about two years ago in Thailand. I had just fired a round of green chile liquishit (patent pending) down the hole that the Asians call "toilet" when I noticed an odd sensation just inside the rim of my sphincter accompanied by a blasting spray of rich red blood. After living in Asia for six months I thought that I had experienced nearly every digestive tract malady known to man. Worms, burning and colonic liquidity on a huge scale. Butt (hehe) this was something completely different. It was a singularly unique feeling that I know now to have been the actual tearing of my rectum. It was Bob making himself known to me. At first Bob wasn't so bad. Occasional itch and discomfort. Nothing that I couldn't handle. A mint flavored suppository now and again seemed to do th...

introduction by John Hargrave graphics by Alan (anagram for "anal") Natanagara See Also: Introduction to this edition If students in the next century are required to take a course entitled "Early Internet Literature," this story will be required reading. It is one of the great classics of the Web. "Bob the Anal Fissure" was originally posted to  alt.tasteless , the often hilarious newsgroup that tackles burning issues of our time, like the number of calories in boogers and the sex habits of retarded people. The story has since been posted in various apocryphal versions, but no one has ever given the story the professional treatment it deserves. This is the only version approved by Mr. Cidoni himself, a man as mysterious and steeped in mystery as the faceless surgeon who violates his nether regions in this hilarious tale. WARNING!   This story is extremely graphic, extremely vile, and extremely funny. If you have a sensitive nature, if the phrase "v...